Munching in Moderation: Taco Bell’s Loaded Grillers

I understand that fitness has been a pretty big focus of our coverage here at The Married Gamers for a few years now. I mention this because I’m sure you are wondering what in the world a review for fast food is doing here and I will be more than happy to explain myself.

I have over thirty years of experience abusing my body so that I can educate those fortunate enough to have healthy lifestyles as to what a human would look like if they didn’t take as much time counting calories and doing countless reps at the gym (that’s something you do at a gym, right?). Without brave individuals such as myself, there wouldn’t be anyone to be disgusted at as you watch helplessly as I suck Arby’s Sauce from the packet.

Since I want to help with your fitness goals, I have decided to take it upon myself to try any and all alleged “junk” “food” (both purposely in quotes for different reasons). Once eaten, I will explain the experience to those who want to live vicariously through my shameless gluttony or for those who want to feel like you can burn the extra calories off with “reps” or whatever it is that you do.

You know? For fitness.

Taco Bell has recently released a line of value priced snack sized items that they call the Taco Bell Loaded Grillers. Each of the Grillers are modeled to be something that you might chow down on in an Applebee’s type establishment; baked potato, hot wings, and nachos. Only one third of the selections seemed like something that I would have been able to find in a Taco Bell, but the franchise has been surprising me with the incredible; yet overpriced, Cantina menu items. Conversely they are also responsible for the Doritos Locos Taco, which is so awful it comes in a protective sleeve.

Once I dug into my order I was struck by how much smaller the Grillers were in person than the picture made them look, similar to the way people describe meeting Tom Cruise for the first time. This was to be expected considering that they were each only .99, but they looked less like the picture and more like teeny tiny Grilled Stuffed Burritos. Flattened by the grilling process, the burrito wraps that they used didn’t look “loaded” at all, but I had three of them and it wasn’t that big of a deal.

I started out with the Beefy Nacho Griller due to its familiarity. Filled with ground meat, chips and nacho cheese, the Nacho Griller seemed more in line with what one expects when ordering from the arguably Mexican restaurant. It was a promising start as the Griller was filled with delicious artery clogging cheese that I would likely eat in a wrap by itself if given the choice. With that said, it was probably a good thing that I love nacho cheese so much since there was not much meat or chips inside of it.

Next up was the Loaded Potato Griller, a wrap filled with Taco Bell’s Fiesta Potatoes, cheese, sour cream, and bacon. This was my favorite of the three Grillers and may find a spot on my regular list if it wasn’t so miserly small. Sure, it doesn’t much taste like a loaded baked potato; however, it did taste like the cheesy Fiesta Potatoes that I really enjoy off the normal menu with one addition: bacon. The internet as a whole has seemingly embraced the idea that bacon can make anything a worthwhile venture. This is not a factual statement as I refuse to kiss anyone who has used bacon lip balm. In the case of the Loaded Potato Griller, it works famously. The bacon isn’t of the best quality and for whatever reason most of the bacon had accumulated to the bottom of the wrap somehow but it was there, it tasted like bacon, and I enjoy bacon.

The wrap that I was most looking forward to was the Spicy Buffalo Chicken. I love Buffalo style hot wings and it has quickly become one of my favorite foods over the years. I have not actually seen Buffalo wings in a Mexican restaurant until now and quite honestly, I will be completely happy to never see them there again. After taking a few bites from the wrap it became rather apparent that no one in Taco Bell research and development had ever eaten Buffalo wings. The franchise uses the same marinated chicken breast strips that they use for all of their other items. When I want wings I’m hoping for dark meat for one (considering they are wings), and the marinade they use isn’t becoming of a Buffalo type wing recipe. To be fair, they never say that they are supposed to be wings; however, it does specify Buffalo.

Buffalo wings are made with butter, hot sauce, and whatever spices you plan on using to make it your own. What they use is decidedly not Buffalo sauce.  The sauce; which is similar, if not the same as the volcano sauce the chain uses, is nothing but spice and absolutely no flavor at all. On top of that, the white sauce that I thought was going to be ranch dressing turned out to be sour cream. This is understandable only because I know that they put sour cream in nearly everything. I like sour cream, but with Buffalo chicken it is off putting and dangerously dangles this dish over the “gross” category.

As far as being gamer food, it will really depend on two factors as to whether or not you will be able to eat these and play at the same time. The first factor is if you are one of those who will take the wrap apart to add sauces. Unless you are a wizard, getting a grilled wrap the size of an off brand lightsaber hilt back together is nearly impossible resulting in the filling falling out. This may still happen if the second factor doesn’t work in your favor. If your Taco Bell is staffed by individuals who find it acceptable to crush your Mexican Pizza with three large burritos every time, then likely they won’t take the care necessary to ensure a tightly wrapped Griller.

Next time you find yourself in a Taco Bell, either on purpose or as the result of The Hangover type hijinks that you do not remember, ask yourself if you have more than one dollar. If the answer is “yes”, then do yourself a favor and order something you know you’re going to like. If the answer is no, then please do yourself a favor and steer clear of the Buffalo Spicy Chicken. The other two Grillers will work just fine.